Revising Story

September 17, 2007- Today I revised my Spaniard and indian accounts of the Spaniards arrival to the New World. Actually no one from school revised my work so I had to get one of my brothers. Since have not been around the sun as much as I have, they could not give that much professional critique. They used vague statements. So I had to work with that and so I just continued on with my story. But from reading some other people stories I got inspired to be more descriptive so whoever my audience is can easily picture what I am trying to describe. So that is what I did today but I did not do much of it.